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Tweet I am a woman in my 40s. Brace yourself! (-: I have dated a lot. I mean I have had short term dates or relationship and one term in my 20s. My biggest flaw was I avoided conflicts and always seemed to leave a relationship at the first fight. I am a slow learner because I recently learned that I was the problem not the men; even though at the time of a break up, I was quite clear the issue was with the men. I never got married but always wanted to find true and get married and have a family. However, it is clear I was sabotaging myself and did not even know it. Now, I grew up a very violent household. My mother was a raging bully. I made peace with this. I am currently strained from my parents. But my thoughts of them are at peace. I am no longer angry at them nor do I really focus on my childhood. I am usually very grateful and have bubbly personality. When I realized I was averse to conflict, it was like an epiphany! Now, I am not saying I am perfect but I am work in progress and heading the right direction. Interestingly enough, I am also dating men that seem to resonate with my new found energy. I am meeting a lot of men in their 40s, educated, attractive, own houses/condo, and seem social but without and mostly never married or married very short time time ago. I cannot find men around my age with who want a term relationship or they do not find me. I am getting quite depressed about this because I do not trust those single guys would never want. I could have too but it would be rushing the relationship to another level without much of “getting to know each other”. I am 42 now! I am more focused on finding term than having but I am not opposed to having or adopting at all. I need some assurances on why would these men were never married in the first place or had families and how often do they really change to get married or have? None of these guys are opposed to having, if they were, then it would have made sense to me why they do not have.

I also enjoy kinky SM sex play but Home Gardens am not a fan of the whole "scene." And, though I'm a bit more open to the assorted accoutrements, I could never wear the obligatory leather chaps, vest, and hat. What next, a handlebar moustache? Now I could be a real snot and say my distaste comes from the fact that most people here in the NYC scene are old and overweight. But the truth of the matter is that I'm only in it for the pleasure. My sexuality doesn't necessarily define who I am. Sure, I respect those people who totally embrace the BDSM lifestyle, especially since they drive the kink into the open and operate clubs, stores, etc. that make it easier for me to be a perv. But that's just not me. It's not a lifestyle it's just sex. So it seems that my only, as a barbwire fence sitting switch, is to find a woman who is "normal" and then "convert" her. I have had some success with this in the past. Perhaps the "conversion" method is an option for you as well. PS And I don't want to hear any of you San folk bellyaching about how hard it is to find someone kinky out there. Take a look at the quality and quantity of posts here from vs. NYC. That should give you an idea of how hard it is to find someone naughty in this town. It seems Giuliani and Bloomberg have regulated all of the kink out of the Big Apple! but I'm not going to follow it. Instead, I think I have you kneel naked in the center of the Fo, blindfolded and gagged. You're wrists be tied behind your back and connected to your ankles to form a nice little pyramid. Nipple clamps be applied, and I make a lovely clothespin vest for you. After, those of us here take turns flicking them off you with a crop. I you have a safeword.

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